I look to my grandmothers for strength and direction. Adleen Knight, my great-grandmother, experienced such sadness over the death of her first-born daughter. Although I have never met Adleen, I have always felt a strong connection to her. I have become acquainted with this brown-haired, brown-eyed woman through written records and stories told by my mother. Sarah was given the middle name of Adleen. It was my hope that Sarah would inherit her grandmother's great character and devotion to God.
Adleen's baby, Maud, died from a tragic accident on September 7th (Caroline's Birthday) in the year 1909. In her journal she describes her emotions during the days of great sorrow following her daughter's death, "All I wanted to do was carry her photograph album under my arm, it was all I had left of my baby." I can relate to this, as photographs of Sarah can be seen in almost every room of our home.
The Lord's compensatory blessings were given to Adleen to help her overcome grief and despair. I marvel over how similar these blessings are to mine. On July 15th, 1910 Adleen wrote, "The Lord blessed us with another baby girl to help heal our sorrow. She had light brown hair and big blue eyes and as I held her to my bosom my longing heart was satisfied. Oh how we loved her! We watched her so carefully. Now for the first time since Maud left, I again sang a lullaby. As we watched her grow each day, we thanked our Heavenly Father for His kindness to us. As her big blue eyes looked into ours they seemed to say, "I will stay with you to comfort you." Oh how I feel the same about my precious Caroline!
I may never completely understand why our dear Sarah had to leave us so soon. I know that there is much to learn from this experience. I feel happiness and peace once again. However, I will always long to hold Sarah, to make cookies with her, comb her hair and hear her sweet voice fill the empty void in our home.
How grateful I am for memories that are recorded in my heart and on paper--a constant reminder to me that Sarah will be mine forever and I shall have the pleasure and joy of loving, teaching, and mothering her again. I often dream of the day when Adleen and I will be together with our beautiful daughters. How happy Sarah will be to hold and adore sweet baby Maud!
19 comments:
Thank you for sharing this story of your great grandmother. A loving sweet tribute to a women of faith and love. You have followed in her footsteps in so many ways. We love you!
What a wonderful gift of journal taking your great-grandmother left for you. I cannot imagine how you heal thorough such trial and to have family, even those who have passed on, to support you is such a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts of sweet Sarah.
How very true it is that the deep sorrow which accompanies the loss of someone you love never leaves, but simply become more tolerable to bear. Like you, Grandma Adleen found solace in putting her feelings to paper. She could not have known how it would comfort a grandaughter's aching heart one day. Thank you for sharing this beautiful account of her life as well as conveying your own delicate thoughts and feelings at this time.
Like your mother says, the sorrow never truly leaves. I don't think we ever recover in the sense that we become the way we were before. It is something that becomes a part of who we are. It changes us. What a wise and wonderful woman your Grandmother was, and what a gift she left for you! Makes me wonder what we are doing now that others will see and appreciate in the years and generations to come...we do indeed have important work to do in this life! I think of you often and am wishing you well. I am so glad for the joy you have found. Life is beautiful.
What a lovely story . . . thank you for sharing.
I am so touched by the gift your great grandmother, Adleen gave to you. How could she have ever known that 100 years later her dear great granddaaughter, Christine would turn to her words of wisdom and comfort. Christine, I know that your grandma Adleen, Maud and Sarah are very near you. You are a beautiful, beautiful, wise and righteous woman. I send my love to you.
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt message. I am sure it will inspire and lift all those who have the blessing of reading it. I admire your unwavering strength and trust in the Lord. For that reason, Sarah was sent to you. I love you.
I feel such peace and love when you share feelings regarding Sarah.
What a wonderful gift journals are to strengthen our posterity.
It makes me realize that I need to continue to record in mine the trials that I face and the many blessings that happen in our life.
Thank you Christine for sharing.
So inspiring. Reading about your great grandmother makes me want to find out about the women in my past. I've only ever read about my grandfathers. Women are so amazing and so strong. For some reason, I'm am so calmed by the simple realization that others who came before me have made it through sorrows like my own. What a gift to have these legacies of faith. Thank you for sharing your Grandma Adleens.
I love reading your posts about Sarah. It makes my heart ache and also makes me so happy that I knew that sweet, special little girl! Thank you for sharing.
~kenna
Thank you, Christine. I feel so uplifted by your faith. I have a special set of grandmothers whose words and examples I cling to, as well. I like how you've shared how the generations come together in tender, important ways. I love you!
I hadn't read those excerpts from Adleen's history before. Oh how you can relate to her feelings. I'm so glad you shared your thoughts and emotions. You always seem so strong that it's refreshing to hear you have your moments, too, of why? But I appreciate your example of even during those times you still hold strong to gospel truths. I can imagine Grandma Adleen was one woman Sarah became reacquainted with very soon after her passing. How fitting it is to have Adleen as her middle name. We love you and your darling family. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights on this post.
What a beautiful relationship you have w/ your Great-Grandmother. My gratitude for Eternal Families has grown so much as you have shared this journey.
Such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. You are an amazingly strong woman that we can all look up to!
I did not know the significance of Caroline's birthday. It could not be coincidence. It is also remarkable that you named Sarah after such a noble woman who gives such strength.
It reminds me Elder Hallstrom's talk from this last General Conference.
You are in my thoughts today, dear friend.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They are always so inspiring and make us think about the most important things of life.
I wish i could answer your questions for you and take away the heartache. It is just not fair. I am so sorry Christine.
I am so touched by this experience. Thank you for sharing this connection you have with your beautiful ancestor.
I admire the way that you are truly observing and recording your grief. My tactics were to just plow forward, determined to be happy, breaking down when it got too much, cry, and then keep plowing forward, savoring every moment with Pippi and Nick.
I cannot believe the toll that grief took on my body. I think you will be better off expressing it this way. And look how you help others, too.
I love you Christine. You help me so much. Wish we had more time to talk.
You are amazing at conveying your thoughts and feelings! Thank you for opening your heart to all of us! You are always such an example of faith and devotion and endurance! All my love...
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